Its like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon! You can link any thing that is wrong with you to global warming in six degrees or less.
Lets try it.

You are overweight:
Global warming has reduced the amount of snow, this has led to no skiing, this has led to boredom, this has led to a box of Twinkies a day.

You cant get your boss to notice you and give you a raise:
Global warming has resulted in more sunny days, this has led to more "sick days", this has led to more fishing trips, this has led to more beer consumption, this has led to yet more "sick days", this has decreased your productivity.

You have E.D.:
Global warming makes fat chicks sweat more, this has led to the removal of more clothing to facilitate cooling, this has led to sights that once seen can not be unseen, this has led to sexual psychological damage.

You can not control your child:
Global warming has made playing outside dangerous, this has led to you supplying your child with a TV a computer and an IPOD in their bedroom, this has led to over exposure to the Hollywood view of life and the gangster mentality of today's rap and hip hop culture, this has led to the proverbial wannabe, this has led to the disrespect for the parents.

You robbed a bank:
Global warming has caused the porcupine to loose its quills, this has led to the cost of tatoos done with these quills to skyrocket, this has led to an inability to afford your high maintenance girlfriends full body tatoo, this would have led to her leaving you.

As you can see there is no end to the effects of global warming on you and your everyday life. So the next time you screw up really bad lust turn to global warming for the explanation. With the power of the media you can back up your claims of global warming interference as based in "reality".

The Painter